Things I Learned From Teachers That They Never Intended to Teach

Telling a class that if you had a daughter you would name her “Inertia” doesn’t ingratiate yourself to 13 year olds.

Remarks uttered “sotto voce” are much more threatening than outright defiance.

If you ask, you will be told “no.”  Just do it and don’t ask.  Half the time they won’t even notice.

If you are called on in class, just don’t answer.  The teacher will quickly move on to another kid.

When your teacher claims that he is going to read everyone’s essay in class AND if there are any errors after having done it a second time, demerits will be given—he will not have time to complete the task.  If your last name starts with an “S” you will scoot through the test of fire knowing you won’t be caught. And knowing that you didn’t bother to re-write the paper. It’s his fault for making you sit in alphabetical order.

Wearing high heels is only to impress other teachers.

Teachers who scream and yell “shut up” only look weak.

It’s not a good idea to have kids deliver your love notes to another teacher.

Teachers with interesting rooms teach in many ways.

One of the worst incentives to coerce honesty from a class is to make them sit there waiting for someone to own up.

Referring to your wife as Mrs. (teacher’s last name) makes you sound stiff and weird.

When you are told something is going in your “permanent record” they really can’t be bothered to do it.

There are teachers who should not be teaching.

When a teacher says to you “How dare you question my authority…” YOU SHOULD.

Sharing your stories about doing LSD is not a good idea.

Don’t try to befriend students, phone them or meet them off campus.  It’s needy and gross.