Scratchy

I suppose that each holiday has its up and downs; the positives and the negatives.

Thanksgiving requires eating, if you are a kid.  But when you are the adult host it is a different story entirely.  There is the slaving in the kitchen and trying to make a Martha Stewart performance meal.  And always the question of what to do with that little icky bag of giblets inside the turkey.

Christmas is a wonderful event if you are a kid.  But if you are the mom it means buying and decorating the tree (plus dealing with an irritable husband whose patience is tried three fold by the time he tries to straighten the fir for the fourth time.) Then there is the buying of presents—and wrapping them—hanging the stockings and buying the stuff that will go in them, cooking the meals for both Christmas Eve and day.   Oh, and Christmas cards.

No wonder I want a glass of champagne as we open gifts.

Easter is another story.  It was always tied up with church and scratchy dresses and silly hats.  Was it some odd Puritan thing that kids needed to be uncomfortable in their Easter Sunday best in order to get the chocolate? If truth were told, I would much rather have had black licorice and wear jeans.

Lay odl lay old lay hee hoo

I grew up in a family of music.  My mother taught it.  My father played it. I listened to it.  And I was forced to attempt playing it with the piano, guitar and flute.

 My parents sang in embarrassing harmony during church services and played their guitars for Boy Scout gold dinners.  Unfortunately, it went no further as American Idol didn’t exist in those days.

My sister and I were taken to Pasadena to see Florence Henderson in the Sound of Music.  We went to The Man From La Mancha, Mame and A Chorus Line at the Schubert Theater in downtown Los Angeles.

When we got our first “hi-fi” console at Angus Street my father mysteriously disappeared into the hallway closet that had a secret hatch into the attic space.  My sister and I were prudentially warned NEVER to walk on anything but the beams up there.  In a short while my father had carved out a pretty cool music system by placing speakers into the ceilings of the bedrooms.  Frankly, I was rather impressed.

And so it was that on varying holidays my sister and I would be awakened with the appropriate music.  On Halloween, for instance, it was Dans Macabre or Night on Bald Mountain.  Much better than an alarm clock.

One day, sitting in the New Room, (check out an older post) my dad and I were looking at his collection of LP records.  Amidst the Elaine May /Mike Nichols and Bob Newhart sketches and a record made by a woman who made her fame by singing off key (which is surprising difficult if you have a good “ear”) were his favorite singers. He told me whom he liked and why and, other than Burl Ives, he was right.  There was Pete Seeger—who my parents took us to see at Idyllwild.  I’m sorry to say that all I remember of that trip was the swimming pool and an old man with a banjo.  Patty Paige, Julie London, Ella were other favorites of my father.  HE went for the sultry.

 My mom’s records tended toward Leonard Bernstein…and yes, my sister and I had to sit through his Young People’s Concerts. (Bernstein always reminded me of my Uncle Max—and now I know why.) She also liked Matt Munro and anyone singing light opera, especially Rogers and Hammerstein. There was the sound track to Flower Drum Song and musicals that I had never heard of.  My mother also had a thing for tenors. 

Fast-forward many years and this explains why, when driving across the Dolomites in southern Europe with a (thankfully) long gone boyfriend, I suddenly burst into song:

“High on a hill was a lonely goatherd- lay odl lay odl lay hee hoo.”

Beans

Dill Beans

In the early 1980’s we became friends with a woman who lived in a cabin in the Washington woods, taught the deaf and was one of the best cooks I’ve ever known.  When we would arrive at her cabin on the Kitsap Peninsula, we would be greeted with a Bloody Mary that always had a dilled string bean in the glass.  The beans, and the drink, were memorable.

Despite working in a Regensburg pickle factory, I still love a dill pickle. Despite spending six weeks smelling of vinegar and dill and shoving cucumbers into a jar, I feel fortunate that the Hengstenberg Pickle Company made crap pickles.  Therefore, I am still able to enjoy a good pickle—ala Hub Mart’s deli—or more recently, Bubbies. 

Our friend was kind enough to give me the recipe.  I remember when my mother once asked someone (who lived on Los Feliz Blvd. and thought she was the bee’s knees) the woman declined.  My mother was shocked. There are those sorts of women who leave out the key ingredient so that even if they share the recipe, it’s never quite the same.  I can understand if your recipe is from some award-winning restaurant, but in Silverlake,….come on.  Mrs. B.—you should be ashamed.

The making of dill beans became a summer ritual.  First in Seattle, and then in Honolulu.  I grew dill and bought the beans.  Usually I would invite a coterie of women and round up my son and his friends.  We would sanitize the jars, boil the vinegar and salt, boil the lids of the Mason jars and wash and cut the stems of the green beans.  Often it was a domestic assembly line:  one person washing, another cutting, someone else stuffing the jars and another pouring in the brine and sealing the jars. 

I did this for many summers and included many friends.  All of the friends have moved elsewhere.  Then I stopped. 

But this summer I saw a small dill plant and bought it.  It has grown strong and produced many of the heads that are perfect to put in the bottom of the jar of dill beans.

And so, now in my kitchen, there are eight jars of dill beans.

My son visited last week, and the first thing he noticed was a jar of dill beans.  We opened one and, for the first time, shared them with my grandson.  He loved them too.  My son ate too many and even drank the juice.  I ate a few.  We all woke up with swollen eyes from all the salt, but it was worth it.   Thank you, RF.

BEFORE

I grew up in the time of BEFORE.  BEFORE was a time when we didn’t know many things, when we accepted many things and we were happy with many things.

BEFORE we didn’t know that smoking could cause lung cancer.  Children would be given a four pack of cigarettes on American Airlines flights. Parents would blithely empty their ashtrays every evening. (Not mine)  And some of the best TV ads were the ones by cigarette companies. The Marlboro Man was a favorite until he died of lung cancer.

BEFORE there were only the “odd” kids, or the ones who were a “bit off.”  Now there are learning disabilities and an alphabet soup of conditions.

BEFORE we never knew that the friendly dentist and his x-rays might cause brain tumors.

BEFORE there was nothing known, as cholesterol; fried chicken and roast beef were the most popular meals.

BEFORE no one wore seat belts and we could sleep in the back of a station wagon on a nest of musty smelling sleeping bags.  Moms would stick out their right arms against the chests of their children at every stop.

BEFORE the teachers taught and didn’t curriculum map, worry about professional growth goals or have parent conferences that could lead to a lawsuit.

BEFORE the milkman delivered into special doors built into the side of a house.  No one ordered, “skim.”  I’m not sure it existed. And when it did make an appearance it was blue.

BEFORE  when the doorbell rang it was an ardent housewife collecting for The March of Dimes. Instead of a Jehovah’s Witness.  Or a Mormon trying to bring my father back into the fold

BEFORE no one questioned the healthiness of Girl Scout cookies, or the fact that children were wearing uniforms not unlike the Hitler Youth.

BEFORE people sat down and ate together and talked.  I blame the slippery slope of this lost tradition on “INSTANT BREAKFAST.”

BEFORE when the phone rang it was a special event.  There was only one phone and it had a special nook in the wall and could not be moved.  The phone prefix denoted your status and neighborhood.   Ours was Normandy 5038.

BEFORE there was no such thing as a remote control; just a younger sister to change the channels—all five.

BEFORE the daily newspaper and WORLD BOOK (or Encyclopedia Britannica) were the main sources of information.

BEFORE when a child was told, “ Because I said so.”  They didn’t say, “Fuck you.”

BEFORE National Geographic was the only place—in Silverlake—to see naked bodies.

BEFORE there were two mail deliveries a day during the Christmas season.

BEFORE no one questioned why older women had blue hair.

BEFORE no one addressed homosexuality unless it was a reference to a hairdresser.

BEFORE the gas station guys cleaned your windows, checked your tire pressure and oil AND knew your name.

BEFORE “Don’t talk to strangers” never seemed to be something to worry about.

BEFORE eating a meal for the “starving children of China” seemed a noble act.

BEFORE even if we were all different we seemed the same. 

As odd as it sounds, I want to say "Thank you, Polio."

PART ONE

Katrine Kleihauer met Ray Haurin when she was at UCLA --at the same time as Jackie Robinson.  Ray was not a student.  I think they met at a dance class, but I can’t quite remember.  They fell in love, he proposed and she accepted. But she agreed with the stipulation that she would graduate and get two years of teaching experience under her belt first.  Completely smitten,  Ray could do nothing but wait.  I always thought this decision shows how practical my mother was, and it turned out to be one of the best decisions she made.

My grandfather was less than thrilled that his future son-in-law was not a college graduate. He, himself, had a Doctorate of Divinity and his daughter’s grandfather had been a college president.  I spite of this he performed their marriage on the flagstone patio of his house near Beverly Hills.

Ray was the only child of a widow who had epilepsy and lived in a Seventh-day Adventist home in Azusa. Azusa was about an hour outside of Los Angeles and was made famous by THE JACK BENNY SHOW: "Train leaving on Track 5 for Anaheim, Azusa and Cuuuu-ca-mon-gaaa!"

Ray supported his mother and was a responsible son who got life insurance for both his mother and his new wife. Not wanting to risk passing epilepsy to any of his children, he had a vasectomy.  So two very practical people were now happily wed.

That was until December 7, 1941.

When Pearl Harbor was bombed, Franklin Roosevelt declared war the next day and immortalized the “day that would live in infamy.” Things quickly began to change.  Ray joined the U.S. Navy, as did my mother’s brother. Katrine and my aunt moved in with each other to save money.  My mother continued to teach.

My uncle, as an officer, had the unlikely posting of Arizona.  Ray was sent to Long Beach, California.  It was there that he caught polio and died within a week.  He was buried with full military honors and my mother kept the flag that draped his coffin until she died.  It is now in my attic from which I can see Pearl Harbor. I can’t bear to throw it away and my sister does not want it.

PART TWO

Katrine was devastated, but ever practical, she took Ray’s insurance money and bought a two bedroom, one bathroom home on a hill in the Silver Lake neighborhood of Los Angeles.  She paid $10,000 cash for the house. 3018 Angus Street was a rather plain house that was built in 1939 and today is worth well over $700,000. Sometimes she rented out the extra bedroom to unmarried teachers or their equally unmarried sisters.

Silver Lake was, and is, an eclectic neighborhood with a hodge-podge of architectural styles, races and, today, sexualities. There are homes designed by Richard Neutra and a nearby Frank Lloyd Wright.  Silver Lake was where Anais Nin lived with her last and very youngest lover who would become my science teacher in junior high school.  It was friendly and crime-free and a much better bet than the Quonset huts and Levittown cookie cutter homes that many G.I.s were returning to.

Once the war was over and she got used to being an independent widow, she decided to take a trip to the place she had most wanted to visit:  Alaska.  My uncle who had survived the war unscathed, the biggest threat being rattlesnakes and heat stroke, gave her some advice.

“Katrine, if you want to meet a man, don’t travel with a girlfriend; travel alone.”  And she took his advice.

PART THREE

Katrine Kleihauer Haurin headed north.  By the time she was in Anchorage, she sat on a bus waiting for it to leave the station.  A man came and sat next to her. He had wavy hair and a pencil moustache, which was the style of the time.  He pulled out a packet of gum and offered her a piece. I prefer to think it was either Juicy Fruit or Doublemint. He offered her a hell of a lot more than that., as well  He announced right then and there that he was going to marry her. He broke the date he already had for that night, and my mother became his unofficial “intended.”

There were several bumps in the road—one being that he was married to a woman in Detroit who had ditched him for someone in a cute uniform.  He had traveled to Alaska to start a new life without ever bothering to get divorced.  Other slight bumps were the religion in which he was raised, the fact that he was not a college grad (again!) and that he was fifteen years older than my mother. When he promised to go to Michigan to get a divorce, Katrine worried greatly that she would never see him again.

Then on Thanksgiving Day he showed up at Angus Street.  My mother, I believe, was entertaining a second tier man.  The man left quickly  and my mother and father were soon back on my grandfather’s flagstone patio.  My mother wore a modest white dress with eyelets and carried a small bouquet of Bachelor Buttons and daisies.  My father wore a broad, rather gaudy tie and a suit with wide lapels.

Once again, my grandfather was not overly pleased with my mother’s choice.  A man with little education, raised a Mormon and fifteen years older to boot.  My father was actually closer in age to my grandfather than he was to my mother.  But that was all snobbism.  My father was funny, kind, handsome in the look of the day, a bit shy sometimes and witty in a unique way.  He had the look of a Hollywood star when he was young and my mother was charmed. Katrine Kleihauer Haurin became Katrine Kleihauer Haurin Smithson.

Angels and Alpha-bits

While my mother was in the hospital for a month or more, my father, sister and I were invited by well-meaning friends and neighbors to dinner.  An ambulance on Angus Street was unheard of, and everyone seemed to know that my mother was ill and that my father had the two small girls to handle on his own.

Directly next door were a childless couple named Mac and Doris.  He owned some sort of business and she was his secretary. They had a poodle named Tammy and cocker spaniel named Shane. Movies were obviously a big source of dog names for them. I loved the cocker spaniel and my sister went for the poodle

Mac may have had a stroke, because he could not use one of his arms and walked with a limp. Or maybe he’d been injured in the war.  No one talked about it. They smoked and drank and owned a yacht that was kept at the Balboa Yacht Basin. To me they were rather glamorous.

Our dinner with them was at once odd and comfortable.  We usually only saw Mac and Doris for a party of some sort and their annual New Year’s Eve party.  Doris’ elderly parents always came and stayed in the chilly apartment they had on their lower floor.  There would be kids, Doris’s sister trying to dance the Twist and platters of walnuts with nutcrackers. People smoked cigarettes and cigars and drank cocktails.  Not like at my house where cranberry juice was the holiday libation.

The night they had us for dinner, a school night, Doris served us home made chicken noodle soup, which in itself was a novelty. But it was the big, black peppercorns floating amid the wide noodles that grabbed my attention.  I had never before seen a whole peppercorn and, oblivious to the fact that I was breathing in plenty of second hand smoke, I really enjoyed that soup.

The invitations for dinners started pouring in.  Dad knew we had to bring a gift to each and came up with a typical Al Smithson solution.  He bought pre-made angel food cakes, which we “frosted” with whipped cream.  Then we opened boxes of Alpha-bits cereal—a new item on the market—from which we picked out the sticky letters to spell THANK YOU and the names of that particular evening’s host and hostess set gently on to the top of the cakes.  The three of us got pretty good at the routine of decorating our cakes and thought we were pretty slick.

The Choice

 I don’t have many regrets in life, I am happy to say.  But a big one happened when I was in the fourth grade. I still feel guilty about it.

My mother was seriously ill and in the hospital.  She had pinprick-sized holes throughout her stomach and she was bleeding.  She had had major surgery at Ross Loos Medical Center.  Dr. Loos, himself, and the brother of writer and wit Anita Loos who penned GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES, preformed the intricate stomach procedure.  Friends, family and even our Mobile gas station attendant donated blood.

My mother lay in Good Samaritan Hospital, the same in which I was born. The same one in which Robert Kennedy died.  She had tubes in her nose and IV’s in her arms.  Above her bed the Catholic hospital had placed a very graphic statue of Christ slumped on the cross-, oozing blood from hands and feet.  It was not a pleasant place to visit.  The nuns, the smells, the hushed tones, the visiting priest—and we were definitely NOT Catholic—were not things I felt comfortable with.

One day during my mother’s time in the hospital, I received an exciting invitation.  Kayla A. was a member of my Brownie troop who had moved to The Valley.  She was inviting the entire troop to her home—with a swimming pool—for an after school birthday party.

I had a choice:  visit my mother or go to the party. This was the first time in my life I had a serious dilemma.  And every time I see, read or hear the word “dilemma” I think of the choice I made.

 I went to the party at Kayla A’s. and don’t remember a thing about it.  I do remember that I let my mother down.